Hitting, Biting and Shoving…Oh, My!

My daughter has taken to shoving. I guess in some ways I’m happy it’s not biting, spitting, and hitting…but still, not nice. I haven’t been able to pin point the reasons as to why, sometimes it’s just so random (nobody was near her, taking anything of hers, talking to her, etc.) Recently I kept honing in on keeping our hands to ourselves and how we don’t touch others in anger. Guess she is actually getting the message (in a twisted toddler way) because today she elbowed a friend’s daughter. A couple of times. There goes my speech about “hands to ourselves” and I’m not sure what to replace it with (maybe just “no touching anyone ever?!).

So, I did a little research and found this. It’s worth a shot. Beyond that, I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing. Instantly leaving the scene and heading home (and if it happens at home, instant time out).

Taken from parenthood.com

How to Respond

Once a punch is thrown, experts say the best approach is to step in immediately. A teacher or parent witnessing the infraction should pull the aggressor aside and give him the chance to explain what happened. Then it’s the other child’s turn to talk. The hitter needs to be quiet and listen at this point. Explain that it’s never OK to hit someone. Ask the hitter what he or she could have done differently. Direct the child to apologize and impose a logical, consistent consequence for hitting.

It’s a conversation that should take place in a calm, even-toned voice, say Borba and Laschi. Wait, if you have to, until the hitter has had a moment to cool down. When you talk to the child:

  • Kneel or sit next to him so that you’re at his level.
  • Ask the hitter (or biter or pusher) to identify his feelings. Help him find the language needed to explain the way he feels.
  • Remind him that you’re unhappy with the action, not with him. Remind him that he is a kind person, but that his action was not kind.
  • Identify better ways to resolve a conflict, and practice scenarios for behaving more appropriately.
  • Always wrap up by asking the child what he should do if this situation happens again. Then you’ll know whether the child understands what you have said.

To read the entire article, (this except is from page 2), please click HERE.


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