Ah, once again, another post about no screaming/yelling. I wish I could say I’m doing well with it. I did. I was. And then I just fell back into the old routine. And I don’t like it. I don’t like myself. Today was especially bad on the raising of voices. We were trapped in the house due to the horrible Jersey weather (snow, rain, freezing rain) and the result of no school. That, tied in with the fact that certain three-year olds JUST DON’T LISTEN!!!
But, I want to be a better mom. So I’m wiling to always read and learn how to end the yelling. And try try again. Come, join me on the Scream Free Train.
Article taken from Suite101.com
Jan 18, 2011 Leon Becker
Be a cool parent
Stop screaming! We’re living in a culture that celebrates irresponsibility and self-indulgence. One of the toughest challenges of parenting, in such an environment, is to create a familial environment full of co-operation and mutual respect. If you dreamed of a parent-child relationship full of co-operation, harmony, mutual respect and joy, it is not as elusive as you might think. The key to success is to incorporate principles that lead to healthy parent-child relationships.
Create space for yourself
Be the role model. Parenting is about you and not about your kids. If you have received advice to sacrifice, focus attention on kids’ needs and be there for them, it might actually overwhelm you leaving you frustrated and less capable. Kids need parents, who can keep their cool in difficult situations. You cannot be in charge unless you’re in control. Keeping your cool is about creating space. Start with the goal in mind, but do not worry about the results. Stop orbiting around your kid’s life and focus on yourself. Your want to be an inspiring influence and your role is that of a calming authority. Remember, your goal is to calm the relationship with your kid. Calming your own anxiety will enable you to be fully connected and involved, and focus on the personal elements of parenting: togetherness, nurturing, play and having fun.
Establish structure for the parent-child relationship
Define roles, authority, choices and consequences. Structure allows emotional expression, disagreement, free choice or exploration. Too little structure can lead kids to do things they want, when they want, and become frustrated when unhappy. Your goal is to balance space and structure. Let your kids know that there is a certain order in your family, members are accountable to one another, authority can be trusted, and words and actions have consequences. Remember, discipline is about freedom and responsibility, and focus on the business elements of parenting: providing food, clothing and shelter; setting rules and schedules; and enforcing consequences.
Practice being a cool parent
Learn to manage space and structure without sacrificing your joy or feelings. Remember, being calm allows you to operate within the established structure and teach your kids the relationship between work and play. Practice will transform you into the calm and connected authority, who commands respect and obedience.
You can enjoy a parent-child relationship full of co-operation, harmony, mutual respect and joy by creating space for yourself and establishing the parent-child relationship structure.
Runkel, H. (2005). Screamfree Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool. Oakmont Publishing. Duluth, GA. 1-227.
Runkel, H. (2007). Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool. Random House. New York. 1-240.